Sigh. I think this blog post is going to be difficult. This week was difficult. I don’t know what happened. At the end of week two, everything seemed to be going well. And then week three happened.
I guess things just start catching up with you. The newness of the surgery wears off, and you’re left with your life at this point in time. Here’s my life right now:
It hurts to do everything. Go to the bathroom, get dressed, stand up, walk. Ride in a car. Forget about picking up anything. I feel kind of pointless. What good am I? Maybe on a good night I can rinse the dinner dishes, but I can’t load them into the dishwasher. (Man I never thought I would miss that.) Can’t really clean, load laundry, make the bed, and don’t have the stamina to do school.
I am tired and uncomfortable all day long. I’ve been pregnant four times. I know what it is like to be uncomfortable for weeks at a time, but this is different. It is painful. I also feel guilty because I feel like I should be able to do more stuff. I am über cranky and irritable. My tailbone is bruised due to sitting reclined for so long. (this pillow has worked wonders, though.)
Thoughts start to enter your mind, such as: will my stomach ever stretch enough to be able to lay flat on my stomach? What if something went wrong and I never fully heal? What if I can never stand up straight again? Can you imagine the back pain? I really have to deal with those thoughts quickly.
Well! Makes you want to run right out and have surgery, huh folks?
Here’s the thing: I know I have the wrong perspective. I should be concentrating on what I can do. Let’s do that, shall we?
- I can shower.
- I can blow dry my hair.
- I can use the bathroom.
- I can eat at the dinner table.
- I can ride in the car, and drive if necessary.
- I can walk around the mall, and walk around the block.
- I can change diapers.
- I can blog.
- I can attend church.
- I can attend a church picnic for several hours.
- I can push my daughter in her umbrella stroller.
- I can hold my two-year-old. (As long as he’s still…)
- I can watch the boys play baseball in our backyard.
- I can nurse my daughter.
- I can finally lie down on my side to sleep. That was a major accomplishment that has made a world of difference in my quality of sleep.
I guess those are a few things. You know, I read about Christian persecution in China today. That’ll change your perspective. I read about how the church there doesn’t even pray for their trials to end quickly. They pray for God to give them strength to endure the trial. They don’t pray for a lighter load, they pray for a stronger back. Whoa! What a God-filled perspective!
So that’s my new goal for week number four. Pray for strength to endure….without complaining. And I am sorry about all the griping, but I wanted to be real with you, especially if you’re reading this because you’re contemplating the surgery.
I know we will get through this! Read on to week four.
You can view before, during, and after pics here.
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